Complaining: Why, why not, and how to give your head peace

Moaning, whinging, and bitching. It comes in many different guises, but one thing is for sure, we do it a lot. Giving out about things is a habit so engrained in us that we are not even aware of the extent to which we complain. It may seem harmless enough, but chronic complaining has the potential to be self-destructive, priming your brain towards the negative. And if positive affirmations have the potential to create a successful reality, chronic complaining may conversely set you up for a lifetime of being pissed off about things. On the other hand, complaining in many instances is a necessary strategy and if used effectively can help solve problems and create worthwhile change. It’s worth exploring this phenomenon to better understand the different types of complaining and the motivations behind it. Lisa Juliano, Psy.D. on her Psychology Today blog, puts complaining into three different categories: 1) The Active Effective Complaint An active complaint is directed at whoever is responsible for the dissatisfying situation or service. In this case, the complainer is actively seeking a solution to the problem. This can be constructive and is an important skill to develop. A lot of people, particularly in Ireland it seems, bottle up their dissatisfaction about something in order to avoid causing a scene. For instance, being overcharged at the supermarket or a meal being served cold at a restaurant. This in turn may perpetuate internal turmoil and distress. Active effective complaining means not being afraid to speak up. I need to battle my Irish genetic predisposition on this one and take after my mother who has never been...

Rethinking and building mental health

Why is it that we intuitively appreciate that to be in good physical shape requires some form of physical exercise, yet expect good mental shape to be pre-programmed? We don’t usually wait until we have Type II diabetes before we start moving, but it often takes a catastrophic event such as a breakdown or depression before we consider mental health. Mental health. There is a stigma attached to those two words that immediately make most people switch off. Many agree that mental health is an important topic, but not one that is relevant to them. There is probably an element of protecting one’s self-esteem here, with the perception that if you are working on your mental health, there must be something wrong to begin with. There is something wrong, but it isn’t you. There is a pretty strong argument to be made that the society we live in today is broken. Of course, there are many great things about being alive today, but we certainly are not living in accordance with how humans have evolved. Today we are exposed to chronic psychological stressors which our bodies have not biologically adapted to cope with. The purpose of the hormonal stress response is to prepare the resources of the body in preparation for crisis. But what happens when the body is constantly in the ‘flight-or-fight’ mode associated with imminent threat? Constant exposure to stressors and over-activation of this stress response (allostatic load) is associated with inflammatory disease and negative mental health outcomes. We are not supposed to be working 9 to 5 jobs for numbers on a screen that can turn...

ACLAÍ opening night – not your ordinary gym

Last weekend saw the official opening of the new training facility of ACLAÍ in Cork, and I was lucky enough to attend what turned out to be a very special occasion and a gym opening with a difference. We were treated to some theatre, live music by the great Band Anna, an art exhibition by local artists, magic tricks and balloon making, delicious food from the Alchemy coffeeshop and ACLAÍ’s own Shakira. Most of all, I enjoyed spending time meeting friends of ACLAÍ and seeing at first hand the impact the gym has on this community. The big crowd in attendance was testament to this. As I was hanging out in the gym in the morning it was refreshing to see real coaching again. Coaches that actually care about helping everybody who steps through the door, that help build healthy bodies rather than break them. Living in London over the past two years has been challenging in many ways, but nothing more so than taking out a membership in the local Globogym and watching the absolutely horrendous service provided by the personal trainers to their clients. I try not to look, but I can’t not. I once writhed in anguish as a guy who couldn’t deadlift was forced to do so with a heavy barbell and repeatedly shouted at that he was doing it wrong and to straighten his back. I’ve watched as clients have been put on a treadmill and left to their own devices as the trainer would head off to chat up every female that crossed his path. I’ve witnessed people who can barely move being subjected to...

Goals for 2017

In my last post, I did a review of 2016 on a personal level, what went well, and what didn’t go well. I found it to be a very useful exercise, but the power of reflection is really in looking ahead and applying the lessons of past experiences. The next question is: What would I like my biggest accomplishments of 2017 to be when looking back in a years time? It is universally accepted by everybody, from researchers, to elite athletes and high performers, that goal setting is an essential strategy for success. Some goals are better than others though, and it is pretty well established that good goals are process-driven. James Clear has produced one of the best goal setting guide’s I have come across, which tells you everything you need to know about developing great goals and achieving them. Highly recommended reading: Goal Setting: A Scientific Guide to Setting and Achieving Goals. Another fantastic resource is this Goals Journal from Kikki-k. It uses prompts and exercises to help you establish your core values and to visualise your dream life. Then you work on setting your goals, using the monthly planner to keep you on track. It is a beautifully crafted and inspirational little book, and sometimes you can’t beat putting real pen to paper. Priorities and Goals for 2017. #1 Body. Reclaiming good physical health by improving my mobility, strength, and fitness. Last year my behaviours did not align with my core value of Health. The only way to regain control of this area of life is by investing time in myself and committing to a consistent training practice and healthful lifestyle. #2 Mind. Last year more than...

My 2016 Annual Review

The end of a year is good time for reflection, and as 2016 came to a close I sat down and acknowledged what went well, and what didn’t go so well. I have followed the template set out by James Clear in his own annual review of the year. Initially, I thought that it had been a very blah kind of a year personally, until I went through iCal as a kind of formal assessment and had a good think about it. What I take from the exercise is that reflection is worthwhile and that we should all do it all the time, as Leo Babauta will attest. Rather than ambling through life and repeating the same self-limiting behaviours year after year, we can learn from our mistakes and re-direct our efforts. If we pause for a moment and look back, that is. These days, people are generally too busy, over-stimulated and easily distracted by shiny screens and cute kitten videos to actually do this. We spend most of our days on autopilot and life can very easily pass us by, unless we wrestle back control. Don’t get me wrong, I am no zen master, but carrying out this process has made me more aware of how I spend my time and thus how I can better spend my time. Dan Millman, the Peaceful Warrior, says that lessons repeat themselves until we learn from them. They just tend to get more dramatic to get our attention. This exercise has also helped me to see the value in acknowledging successes, even if they didn’t match up to lofty goals set in January. I realised that giving yourself a little bit of credit can actually inspire you to...